Profane Science Gifts

Grad school is difficult. Choosing a care package for someone whose dissertation has become their entire personality shouldn’t be.

Pick whatever combination best matches their current academic crisis: thesis panic, nonexistent funding, an unresponsive principal investigator, insufficient serotonin, or the dawning realization that their “quick revision” will take another six months.

What goes in a grad school care package?

We recommend combining:

• 
  Something accurate, like Graduate Student Tears
  
• 
  Something useful-ish, like a pen, sticky notes, or bookmark
  
• 
  Something wearable that warns others they’re a PhD in progress
  
• 
  Something for their laptop, office, water bottle, or emotional-support coffee mug
  
• 
  A card acknowledging that yes, grad school really does suck
  

There is no prescribed assortment or fixed gift box. You choose the products, fill the cart, and build a care package appropriate for their particular flavor of academic despair.

Several stickers are basically self-care

If one sticker won’t fill the gaping hole of existential dread, perhaps six will.

Our stickers are buy five, get one free, so you can assemble an entire tiny gallery of thesis anxiety, research problems, questionable funding, and biochemical distress. It won’t replace therapy, but it will make their laptop look significantly better.

Frequently asked questions from the academically exhausted

Is this care package only for PhD students?

Nope. It works for master’s students, doctoral candidates, postdocs, research assistants, and anyone else being slowly crushed beneath the weight of higher education.

Is this a preassembled gift box?

No. This is a build-your-own grad school care package. Choose the gifts your person will actually appreciate instead of receiving three granola bars and another generic inspirational mug.

Can I build a funny care package that isn’t profane?

Absolutely. The collection includes both clean academic humor and things you probably shouldn’t show their department chair.

Will this help them finish their dissertation?

Scientifically speaking, no. Emotionally speaking, maybe.